The Irony of the D.U.M.B Disease

By Shiya Tamasao

This is not a question of "what?!!" but how?

In this overused statement: "I don't care about him/her (but deep inside you do care)!" It has come to my attention that this in denial remark is somehow the cause of misunderstanding and conflict to some people. According to various mindless researches on the internet, .00711 % was badly injured, stabbed, wounded and worst--killed to humiliation because of an infectious virus called jealousy and hatred. Mental experts are highly cautioning individuals to lay low and stop doing evil schemes against each other due to a possible breakdown that may result to extreme defecation of karma and embarrassment. Universal Scientists are still in the process of finding a mental cure for this bizarre illness and vastly advise to stay indoors to stop the widespread contamination.

Nonetheless, Dr. Jelly-oh de Hate of Phsyco-Ward Hors-pital sturdily recommends watching possible indications of D.U.M.B or Drastic and Unstable Mental Breakdown.

Symptoms include:

1. Uneasiness. You think there are too many distractions even if there’s not. You can’t sleep or eat because you can’t stop thinking about the person you dislike or hate.

2. Jealousy or hatred for no particular reason. You think you hate or dislike the person just because he/she has crooked smile, beautiful face, fashionable clothes, smart, talks too much, he/she did a good job better than you, etc.

3. Never compliments positively. Even when somebody did a good job like saving the universe against Cybertron (transformers movie antagonist), you would never dare say anything positive because you think it’s pathetic and degrading to your part.

4. Addicted to TB-novelas. You don’t want to miss a single episode because you believe that the antagonist of the story is capable of giving you hints on how to be successful in defeating the protagonist.

5. Distorted Image. Tend to be gloomy, grumpy and tacky (trying hard to be fashionable) all the time.

6. Easily Annoyed. You don’t like to talk or mingle to anyone except yourself.

7. Loner. You don’t want to be disturbed because you think you are too serious and too grand to blend with other people.

8. Delusions. You tend to visualize downfall against your foe. You become too obsessive about planning a conspiracy to avenge something that isn’t worthy or unimportant.

9. Always in denial. When you see the person you hate for no reason, you try your best to pretend that you like him/her. You smile and talk as if nothing is wrong. And if somebody asks you if you like the person, you would simply say “yes” because you don’t want to get caught loathing somebody.

10. You trust no one. You don’t trust your friends and your family because you think they are all hypocrites and there are only capable of hurting you.

11. Too conceited. You believe so extremely about yourself. You constantly consider that you are better than the president and you are smarter than Einstein.

12. EEP-ABC or Extreme Execution of Plan A, B and C. Careful implementation of hidden evil scheme against foe.

If five (5) out of twelve (12) symptoms occur, it is robustly advised to consult your nearest psychiatrist and physician to avoid further damage to your heart and mental health. It is also recommended to seek guidance among associates and family members to avoid conflict and bloody altercation.

If you know someone, anyone, anybody or somebody who are afflicted by this kind of dismal disease, please contact 0711-DUMB-ESS or log on to our website youaredumb.drjellodehate.com.ph for more information.

So, do think you have D.U.M.B?




Extreme Caution: Effect to a person who has a serious D.U.M.B disease.


P.S. 6_6!!
This is just for fun, people. So don’t get too sensitive or overzealous about it. Like, comment or share if you want.