Okay, I get it. You are confused about what you really want in life. Being the eldest among ten children is a big responsibility. You need to be like the parent and you need to act like one too. Since you don't have a job or anything, you can't possibly give them all the material things they want or the education they need. 

Admit it or not, you always think of yourself as a loser. And you're greatest fear is when the time comes that you'll never be able to live a life as a successful person, with a highly respected career. 

You frown while you're washing the dishes. You're thinking that you're life is a big mess. You're also thinking that if you can't be successful on your own, why not marry someone who is rich and already famous? But that's just a wishful thinking. How could you possibly find someone like that if you're socially trapped inside the four corners of your parents house? 

You sighed. What a dilemma! You can't do anything productive. You wait for your parents to come home while you do all the house hold chores. Now, that's just sad isn't it? 

What the heck were you thinking?

You smile while you imagine all the beautiful things. Yet the moment you realize you've been dilly-dallying, you swore and started doing yet another household chore again.